Related to the brewery, (and keeping you off the point of the post I'll have you know - ed) I have been caught behind Kuehne Nagel (personally call them the Steam Beer Company lorries - ed) articulated trucks that carry the output from the brewery all over the country and are to be regularly seen wending their way slowly from Alton to Basingstoke and back on the A339, during both the morning and evening rush hours (sigh, move over why don't you, I've got places to go and people to see, can't be stuck behind this truck the whole way - motoring ed).
The A339 is one of those rural roads that has few, safe, overtaking points and so in the morning and evening, generally just before peak time, a long queue can easily develop behind these delivery lorries causing the less cautious drivers to do incredibly dumb (dumb in the sense of .. what the f*** are they doing trying to overtake 3 cars and the truck at this point - road safety ed) overtaking manoeuvers. I have seen a few very, adrenalin rush filled (and that's just me - ed) close shaves, and naturally there is the occasional fatality due to this kind of recknlessness.
What is abundantly clear, however, is that the majority of the dangerous overtakes are done by owners of BMWs and the occasional Audi. Now, having read the legendary book, "The Missing BMW Owners Manual", after half-inching a copy from an unnamed University specialist book section (the name of the University is not mentioned to protect the author from, what now must be, a late payment fee equating to the GDP of a medium sized South American country, e.g. Bolivia. Extracts from this manual will be the seeds of further posts - ed) this is the behaviour that is to be expected.
The thing that I really don't get (think about it some more - ed), nope, still don't get it, is that given the distance between Alton and Basingstoke on the A339 (12.6 miles - ed) and the absolute certainty that there is another slow moving vehicle ahead of the slow moving Steam Beer Company vehicle and even if the road is clear, the best you can do is only pick up a minute or so of time! Why do people do this (read the upcoming post on The Missing BMW Owners Manual - circulation ed)? Quite frankly, my readers, they don't give a damn.
Anyhow, what I am meant to be doing is telling you about Alton pubs that I frequent (well pass by for a quiet pint or two). To be fair, there is a good selection of pubs in Alton but there are only a few that I visit with any kind of regularity and that I can then fairly comment on. So let me introduce you to The Eight Bells.
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| The Eight Bells, Alton, Hampshire, UK |
The Eight Bells, pictured (left at present it may move - layout ed) serves extremely well looked after beer.
It has a warm atmosphere (fug factor 4 on a busy night - ed) and a well lived in decor.
It contains an interesting selection of mature adults enjoying a quiet (or not so quiet - hearing ed) chat and a pint, what you can undoubtedly call a real local pub.
It is certainly not a place to go if you want electronic entertainment, there is a TV but it is rarely on. There is not much in the way of food, generally some randomly filled buns, but there are assorted crisps (four flavours) and nuts, if you feel so inclined to investigate its culinary options especially necessary as the number of empty glasses mount (they are good at keeping your table clear of empty glasses, perhaps as a hint to either go, or buy more beer - ed)
It usually has four real ales on the go (the order of, "One of each of your finest ales Landlord", is occasionally heard for those wishing to reduce the number of trips to the bar - useful tip ed) and it also serves other weird kinds of alcoholic beverages like lager, wine and even spirits. To be honest with you, this other alcoholic drinks fetish bemuses me, I mean to say why would you; why would you want to drink something other than beer when there is decent beer to drink? (He's almost lost control again - medical ed)
There is a mild warning to follow, which I feel obliged to tell you; both for your safety and the protection of the waistline of an elderly dog. It is, whatever you do, I really mean whatever you do, (even if you order a white wine - ed) do not feed Toby the dog, as he, at the opening of a packet of nuts or crisps, even when the pub is going full throttle, will arrive beside your table and look at you with those ever so endearing and pleading eyes of his. Don't feed him. Feeding the dog will get you reproachful looks from all of the regulars. You have been warned. It is worth noting, being seen to feed the dog is, not quite like the scene from American Werewolf in London, where the two USA backpackers enter the pub on the moors and everything goes quiet and all eyes are turned on them. As I said, it is not quite like that, but not far off.
On a more historical note, the name of the pub is allegedly linked to the eight bells of St Lawrence Church, directly opposite the pub. The idea of a quick Sunday Service followed by a few beer chasers to mellow out the afternoon must be almost impossible to resist (another wistful sigh - entertainment ed).
Howerver, as far as I am concerned, the reason for liking the pub, is not just the beer or the atmosphere but its location, barely 300 yards from the front door. (wistful sigh - entertainment ed).
Not forgetting, for the dog lovers out there, dogs do appear to be very welcome, though they will need to be vetted by Toby first. The ground rules are very clear, food on the floor is his and his alone.
To finish off this post, as I am sure there is something, Very Important, that I should be doing, I should note that there is a small paved garden out the back containing wooden tables with fixed seats, and some even undercover. It used to be the area that I frequented before the smoking ban simply for the fresh air. However, since the fresh air act, oops, sorry, implementaion of the Smoking Ban, roles have been reversed and it is now the smokers who inhabit this area, come rain or shine, whilst the rest of us enjoy the warm fugginess of the insides of an old fashioned English local pub (was that another wistful sigh that I heard - ed)
Afterthought
Please note in the interest of fairness that there are other pubs in Alton, and I will get around to posting about some of them real soon now, but only about ones that I have been to more than half a dozen times or so, to be able to give them a fair hearing.
Please do note that all words used in this post have been checked using the highly acclaimed international standard of, "No Beer Whilst Writing Rules". The author agreed to be tested before and after the writing of this article and was given a certificate to prove it was written without any beer in his system (another even longer wistful sigh - ed)
Other Credits
This post was addled together using excerpts from, and with kind permission of the publishers, the soon to be published book, "'Mine's a pint: Beer Drinking in English Hostelries in the 21st Century", by S. F. Adams.
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