Underwear Rotation

What on earth are you on about now? Well, it is all about wear and tear. Simply put, each time that you put your pants (boxer shorts I'll have you know - ed) back in the drawer, put them at the bottom of the pile. Similarly with the socks, though sock rotation is generally less effective, especially if all your socks are exactly the same colour. Following these easy to follow steps can achieve the nirvana that is underwear rotation, every item gets worn and therefore worn at exactly the same rate.

Why on earth, would you want to do that. Well, most importantly it saves your "favourite" items from being worn out too quickly. So even the less well fitting (they shrunk in the wash, honest - housekeeping ed) items also get worn, and you are not left in the state of "Underwear Hell".

Now, "Underwear Hell", is that point at which all your favourite items are in such a shape, (tattered, holy, worn but enormously comfortable and reassuring - ed), that they have to be thrown away (or surreptitiously put into the  pockets of other peoples coats in restaurants - evil ed) and you are left with all the ill-fitting and less comfortable items.

Throwing away favourite items is one of the more difficult tasks of modern life (eh? Elucidate please - ed). Well, with most items in modern day life, it is very clear when things need to be changed. Think of most of your electronic items, for instance, the TV, when it dies, it is simply a black and white issue (they still have them do they? - ed), in that it either works or it doesn't, so time for a new one.

Another example is when your personal (not too personal - ed) electronic device stops working there is usually little chance of getting it fixed (that difficult to find sewing kit, from that expensive hotel just doesn't cut the mustard in this instance - ed). So, it is simply a task of saving up all of those pennies and buying the latest incarnation from your favourite manufacturer of personal electronic items.

Funnily enough, to contradict this argument, the number of iPhones I have seen with cracked screens still being used is interesting. So, let us slightly alter the argument,  maybe there is a correlation between how much an item is loved defines how long it will continue to be used before it becomes totally unusable and have to be changed.

Now, being a chap, the idea of having favourite boxer shorts does seem rather odd (surely not - ed). However, it is true, some pairs just fit that much more comfortably (snug - ed) and without underwear rotation these pairs would be worn out much sooner than they would have been without that rotation.

Now, when I need to buy new boxers, what I tend to do, is buy a new test pair  (generally after much searching and heartache, never remember either the shop, or the boxer short serial number of the well fitting but worn pairs - ed), to try them out. If they fit and are reassuring comfortable in all the right areas, I go back to the shop and stock up, because once you find some that fit, you need to fill your boots with them, as you can guarantee that the next time you look for them, not only will they will have changed shape, material, but even your size 34" waists will no longer fit (He is convinced that 34" waist boxers are shrinking as the years pass - ed)

But, disaster can strike (and often does - ed), in this shopping frenzy of underwear renewal. What happens if the test pair that you have bought don't fit in that comfortable and reassuring way? (reassuring? - ed). Reassuring in the sense that everything is under control and gently cupped and there is no chafing. Having your vitals chafed is something to be feared.

Chafed vitals... sigh, brings back the painful memory of a long distance cycle ride (Lands End to John O'Groats - bottom left to top right of Great Britain, around 870 miles - geography ed), once chafing has started, no amount of unguent being slapped on to the affected area can help. You simply need to stop cycling and air the affected areas until it all can heal. Unfortunately that was not possible. By the time I reached John O'Groats and tried to walk, I reckon you could have driven a motorway between my legs (so bowlegged was he - ed). (Stop wandering and get back to the point - circulation ed)

Where were we? Aha, yes, the striking of underwear disaster. This being the buying of a pair of boxers that do not fit very well. Some of you will say, take them back and get a new pair, that ain't gonna happen as shops don't like worn underwear back for hygiene reasons (saying that they have been boil washed and pressed doesn't seem to help - ed).

So, once you have bought an ill-fitting pair, you are stuck with them. But all it not lost because this is where Underwear Rotation really comes into its own. Even the ill-fitting pairs are going to get worn and eventually need to be replaced, they are not simply put at the back of the drawer and forgotten about!

In some loose sense it is like squad rotation in football (soccer, Alsaskan Ralph , soccer! - ed), even the players that are not quite as good are given a kick about.

So, I ask you, why are there not "Underwear Test Packs", which contain a single pair to be test driven (worn - ed)? So, if that single pair fails fit in an appropriate and safe manner (safe? - ed), you are only stuck with the single pair and not two or more of the blighters from the economy pack, that then have to be rotated until they in due course need to be replaced.

Afterthought
I have to admit, that sometimes I do cheat. The whole point of having playing the Underwear Rotation  game, is that occasionally, their is the frisson of  delving through the pile and pulling out a favourite pair and wearing those instead of the pair that has found its way to the top of the pile.

Note: this must be only done occasionally else, the whole system collapses in anarchy and confusion. You have been warned.