Well, since 08:28 this morning, this has been a no power household. It finally came back on at 17:55. Makes me wonder if the freezer has managed OK, not opened the door at all, but did open the fridge door a couple of times to make some hand warming cups of tea. Luckily for us we have a gas hob, which had to be lit with a lighter, but managed that without any incident (Ray Mears would have been proud of you - ed)
When I rang the power company this morning they said that the power would be back in an hour. A little optimistic in retrospect methinks. Rang again at 16:15, and was told that it would be on between 4 and 5pm. Well they were a little later than that, but arguably better late than never. At least we aren't snowed in down in the South as some parts of Scotland are who haev been without power for a few days now.
Funnily enough had just lit some candles in the front room, as the light was fading, and dug out the rewindable torch, but failed to find the battery powered torch. Know that I put it somewhere sensible (dangerous thing when he knows where something is - look what happened in the Attic - ed) but have not been sufficiently goaded to properly look for it. Think I am all searched out after Sunday in the attic.
But the power is now back on I am just knocking out a quick post about it. I mean my readers need to be informed.
Seems that not all of Alton was struck, as I braved the bitter cold of the great outsdoors earlier, well I did pop to Boots and Sainsbury's to stock up on a couple of items and noticed that Alton High Street was unaffected.
Mildly disappointed that the power is back on, I was looking forward to deciding whether we should go out to The George for dinner, assuming they had power or staying in and cooking a meal on the gas hob and eating a candlelit dinnner which did sound quite attractive, but that would require a bottle of wine to make it romantic?
Nothing on the Scottish and Southern Electric Power Distribution Site with the reason for the failure, all they said this morning was that there was a problem at a local substation.
What was noticeable, with the power outage, was that when the mobile phone ran out of charge and I couldn't access any form of news or social media and strangely the world didn't end? Bizarre eh! We are lucky to still have a landline phone (that old style technology does sometimes come in handy - ed), and the extension in the bedroom worked, but the main phone downstairs didn't as needs mains power. But what can you do with a landline in terms of accessing information on the internet without a working router (which needs electricity - ed) not much it seems.
Afterthought
Might be worth investing in a spare battery for the mobile to give me a little bit more time on the internet should we get another power outage (but you would have to keep it charged, and somewhere where you can remember, so that you can find it should the need arise - ed)
Tuesday, 26 March 2013
Monday, 25 March 2013
Attic
Been having a bit of a sort out of the attic. Not the one between the ears, but the real one up between the rafters.
Now, this is one of those jobs that gets postponed and postponed, but I was looking for something and I thought I knew where it was (he didn't as it turned out - ed) and unwisely I was determined to find it.
So Sunday afternoon, when it was bitterly cold outside and it was merely cold in the attic, the hatch was opened, the ladder lowered, and my loins were girded ready for action, Luckily I have a system which was put into effect when the boxes went up into the attic a couple of years ago. But even with the initial best of intentions things in the attic have lost a little shape since then, as you will see below (sigh - ed)
However, a slight aide before I start the story. I do have a number of theories to do with putting boxes in the attic, namely the following rules:
Now, this is one of those jobs that gets postponed and postponed, but I was looking for something and I thought I knew where it was (he didn't as it turned out - ed) and unwisely I was determined to find it.
So Sunday afternoon, when it was bitterly cold outside and it was merely cold in the attic, the hatch was opened, the ladder lowered, and my loins were girded ready for action, Luckily I have a system which was put into effect when the boxes went up into the attic a couple of years ago. But even with the initial best of intentions things in the attic have lost a little shape since then, as you will see below (sigh - ed)
However, a slight aide before I start the story. I do have a number of theories to do with putting boxes in the attic, namely the following rules:
- Don't do it at all. Never ever, ever put boxes in the attic. Remember don't do it, because if you do, at some point there will be something you need that is in the attic and will not been findable or alternatively you are moving house and need to 'Clear the Attic', which involves bringing the boxes down from the attic, repackaging the contents into newer, less decrepit boxes, moving the said boxes to the following house, putting the boxes back up into the next attic. I recall taking two days to empty an attic at one house, luckily, the contents never went back into the attic of the following house, as I applied rule 1 very firmly indeed.
- If you do feel you need to put boxes of 'stuff' in the attic, catalogue the contents of each box and put that list on top of the box, take a photo of the contents of the box and number and date the box on both the lid and the side. The box can then be put into the attic. Ensure that the photos with the content picture and list/catalogure are put onto computer - preferably in the cloud. Note: As and when more stuff is put in the attic, apply the same actions, otherwise madness ensues
- Simply write on the box lid a brief overview of the contents (David's ref books, Star Trek TNG DVDs, etc - ed)
- Put boxes in the attic all higgledypiggledy with no form or structure, because we all know that is the real way to do it.
- Date and time boxes, which then, if remain unopened for X years are taken out of the attic and binned/recylced without opening. Remember, unopened, because you know as well as I do, if you open the box, you will find a reason to redate the box and leave in the attic. Remember, boxes in the attic are not just for Xmas, they are for life!
Now having tried, 1, 2, 3, 4 and more recently 5. at different times and in different houses, I have come to the conclusion, that 2 is the one that should work (whaddya mean should - suspicious ed).
There is a large CAVEAT in that if the boxes' lids are swapped whilst digging through boxes at a later time, this particular methodology fails unless as part of methodology 2, you write the number of the box on the side of the box as well!
Now, in our house, we have in fact implemented both Rules 1 & 2, with a little 3, 4 and 5 thrown in to make things that much more interesting. All of Bridget's gear is boxed, photographed, numbered and dated and placed in number order in one half of the attic (excellent, well done Bridget - ed). Strangely, we never seem to need to find anything from Bridget's boxes, possibly as that would be simply too easy.
The other half of the attic (well considerably less now, as most of it has been brought downstairs to clear out - ed) is in a mix of 3/4 with lids changed to protect the innocent. So a box entitled "Ref books", which should contain Software Development Reference books, is found to contain Science Fiction books. A box named DVDs, contains a couple of bags of marbles and a treasure chest (and there was I thinking you'd lost your marbles - ed).
So, why am I clearing out the attic, I needed to find something (and when that mood is upon him, nothing, absolutely nothing will stop him, sigh - ed) and as part of that search I wanted to find a specific Fantasy book that I knew (possibly not - ed) was in the attic, Alvin Maker, by Orson Scott Card (though he did find books 2,3 and 5 in that series, failed to find the first, sigh - ed).
But, given that the looked for item was not to be found by use of any kind of intelligent search algorithm, as I simply 'knew' it was up there, and I 'knew' what was in the box with it; due to the astounding failure to apply Rule 2, when my stuff was put into the attic the search became a look through almost every box in my half of the attic, and unsurprisingly result in a "failed to find" event; followed by an initial give up, "I'm never going to find it, mutter, mutter, Dick Dastardly", moment, that caused Bridget to apply, "Davey Control Rule 1 - feed and water at regular intervals".
So, we retreated downstairs for a cup of tea and something to eat (two fried eggs on toast, with a grind or two of black pepper, hmm - culinary ed). This was then followed by a return to the attic, now with my batteries fully charged and applying the, "You must have moved it", Rule, that is, as we had failed to find the item in my half of the attic, it must have somehow been moved to Bridget's half and it wasn't me that moved it...
So we ended up taking a look through Bridget's half of the attic only to find some unnamed, unnumbered boxes of mine (oops - ed), which of course, did not contain the sought for article.
At this point, the frustration had reached, "Danger Will Robinson", levels, (with siren and the flashing red lights - ed), and I decided unilaterally to, "Sort Out", (in best Ray Winston, cockney Londoner fashion - ed), the attic good and proper. Well, obviously only my half, as Bridget's is well, already what you might call, sorted.
So what then. Every single box in my half of the attic was gone through, with all books sorted into ones to go downstairs (as he will never read them again - ed) to be sold or given away. Alton has a very understanding 2nd hand bookseller, who will take certain types of Science Fiction and Fantasy books, so I might even make a couple of quid (enough to buy the book you failed to find? - ed)
After another hour in the dusty cold environs of the attic, when we reached the last couple of boxes, guess what, we found the box we were looking for, which, bizarrely enough, did have a description of the contents, including the item that I was looking for, written on the lid!
Somehow it had been overlooked in the intial reconnaissance (I would say, "Now there's a surprise", but that might elicit a slap to the head - cowardly ed) , as would almost naturally be the case. So, success in the end, but the failure to find the Alvin Maker book was a bit of a blow.
But, my half of the attic is, "Well Sorted", now, so I know where my marbles are (you must feel so proud - ed), I know where all my LPs are, I know where all my CDs are, I know where all my DVDs are, the books that are being kept to potentially read are in just a couple of boxes, my work related reference books are in boxes with lids named "Ref books", it is almost like a plan. (Did you apply any of Rule 2? - ed).
All the stuff to go, has been brought down, a dozen or so board wargames from the 70-80s, also Strategy & Tactics, Fire & Movement, Phoenix, Ares, Omni magazines, which according to the web, are now worth something, so they will be sold, hopefully as a job lot else I will be busy on speciliast websites or ebay. Can't say that that is something I am looking forward to.
Afterthought
There is a much (much much - ed) funnier blog about attics and moving written by a chap called, Michael Marshall (Smith) . Well worth a read, as are his books.
The cough that comes with going into the attic for any prolonged length of time has returned. Bizarre, that, the post cough taste, is well, "Atticy", I think that is the best word that I have to describe it. Luckily, it only lasts for a day or so until the lining of my lungs has caused a sufficient number of coughs to clear out all of the "Atticyness", gunk that I inhaled whilst moving and interrogating boxes.
BTW Haven't forgotten about the Tax Cuts for Millionaires blog, it is really just bubbling under. Be available Real Soon Now.
The other half of the attic (well considerably less now, as most of it has been brought downstairs to clear out - ed) is in a mix of 3/4 with lids changed to protect the innocent. So a box entitled "Ref books", which should contain Software Development Reference books, is found to contain Science Fiction books. A box named DVDs, contains a couple of bags of marbles and a treasure chest (and there was I thinking you'd lost your marbles - ed).
So, why am I clearing out the attic, I needed to find something (and when that mood is upon him, nothing, absolutely nothing will stop him, sigh - ed) and as part of that search I wanted to find a specific Fantasy book that I knew (possibly not - ed) was in the attic, Alvin Maker, by Orson Scott Card (though he did find books 2,3 and 5 in that series, failed to find the first, sigh - ed).
But, given that the looked for item was not to be found by use of any kind of intelligent search algorithm, as I simply 'knew' it was up there, and I 'knew' what was in the box with it; due to the astounding failure to apply Rule 2, when my stuff was put into the attic the search became a look through almost every box in my half of the attic, and unsurprisingly result in a "failed to find" event; followed by an initial give up, "I'm never going to find it, mutter, mutter, Dick Dastardly", moment, that caused Bridget to apply, "Davey Control Rule 1 - feed and water at regular intervals".
So, we retreated downstairs for a cup of tea and something to eat (two fried eggs on toast, with a grind or two of black pepper, hmm - culinary ed). This was then followed by a return to the attic, now with my batteries fully charged and applying the, "You must have moved it", Rule, that is, as we had failed to find the item in my half of the attic, it must have somehow been moved to Bridget's half and it wasn't me that moved it...
So we ended up taking a look through Bridget's half of the attic only to find some unnamed, unnumbered boxes of mine (oops - ed), which of course, did not contain the sought for article.
At this point, the frustration had reached, "Danger Will Robinson", levels, (with siren and the flashing red lights - ed), and I decided unilaterally to, "Sort Out", (in best Ray Winston, cockney Londoner fashion - ed), the attic good and proper. Well, obviously only my half, as Bridget's is well, already what you might call, sorted.
So what then. Every single box in my half of the attic was gone through, with all books sorted into ones to go downstairs (as he will never read them again - ed) to be sold or given away. Alton has a very understanding 2nd hand bookseller, who will take certain types of Science Fiction and Fantasy books, so I might even make a couple of quid (enough to buy the book you failed to find? - ed)
After another hour in the dusty cold environs of the attic, when we reached the last couple of boxes, guess what, we found the box we were looking for, which, bizarrely enough, did have a description of the contents, including the item that I was looking for, written on the lid!
Somehow it had been overlooked in the intial reconnaissance (I would say, "Now there's a surprise", but that might elicit a slap to the head - cowardly ed) , as would almost naturally be the case. So, success in the end, but the failure to find the Alvin Maker book was a bit of a blow.
But, my half of the attic is, "Well Sorted", now, so I know where my marbles are (you must feel so proud - ed), I know where all my LPs are, I know where all my CDs are, I know where all my DVDs are, the books that are being kept to potentially read are in just a couple of boxes, my work related reference books are in boxes with lids named "Ref books", it is almost like a plan. (Did you apply any of Rule 2? - ed).
All the stuff to go, has been brought down, a dozen or so board wargames from the 70-80s, also Strategy & Tactics, Fire & Movement, Phoenix, Ares, Omni magazines, which according to the web, are now worth something, so they will be sold, hopefully as a job lot else I will be busy on speciliast websites or ebay. Can't say that that is something I am looking forward to.
Afterthought
There is a much (much much - ed) funnier blog about attics and moving written by a chap called, Michael Marshall (Smith) . Well worth a read, as are his books.
The cough that comes with going into the attic for any prolonged length of time has returned. Bizarre, that, the post cough taste, is well, "Atticy", I think that is the best word that I have to describe it. Luckily, it only lasts for a day or so until the lining of my lungs has caused a sufficient number of coughs to clear out all of the "Atticyness", gunk that I inhaled whilst moving and interrogating boxes.
BTW Haven't forgotten about the Tax Cuts for Millionaires blog, it is really just bubbling under. Be available Real Soon Now.
Thursday, 21 March 2013
Flaming Hot Pickled Onions Batman
Our favourite butcher, Norman Reads, over in the nearby town (without a soul - ed) of Four Marks, which also has an embedded cheese shop (no Python sketches, thank you - ed) had a new item on their display table the other weekend. What was that I hear you ask?
Yes it was the, intriguingly named Flaming Hot Pickled Onions. These are very strong pickled onions, with chillis added. Never heard of this combination before, so had to give them a try, I mean what else could a poor boy do?
Simply, wow, I mean, wow, well actually I mean, WOW.
Absolutely incredible, now I like pickled onions, shallots, well any pickled onion like substance. But the addition of chillis just takes them to another level of wonderful.
The first one I ate caused so much zing in my mouth that I unintentionally drooled, (never a good sight to see a grown man drool - ed). It was that flavoursome, my taste buds just didn't know what had hit them, or indeed what to do with this unbelievable combination of flavours (or the excessive drool - ed).
Luckily for all, and to stop further damage to t-shirts and jumpers (he's that kinda guy readers - fashion ed), we have come up with a plan. So simple (in retrospect - drool control ed), cut them into quarters, that way eating a quarter at a time doesn't cause the consequent drool overflow my mouth (wonderful - any more details you'd like to share - culinary ed)
Here is a photograph of the jar, to show that I am not joking (seriously not joking - truth ed).
Popped back to the butchers a little earlier on today to get some more, only to find they had none left, but they did have a couple of jars of cocktail onions with chillis, so bought them, and also asked two have two jars of the large onions put by, the next time there was a delivery. The staff at the butcher's had no clue when the chap would be delivering again. If push comes to shove come make my own, now that I know what a killer combination this is (any bacteria left in your mouth after that first whole onion? - ed)
Strangely, for something so fantastic, there is no name or address on the jar to say who makes them and where they are made. If I find out, I will let you all know, as these zingy wowy zowwy (perchance were you listening to David Bowie taday - music ed) things are the best thing ever to bring life back to a tired mouth.
Afterthought.
In case you were worried that I hadn't ranted enough about the Budget, I have another post in the offing about the so-called Millionaire's tax cut (careful now, he is primed and could go off on a rant at the merest hint of interest - economics ed).
But I have been a little busy today to get it finished. Seems that another painting is gestating. May well be another Birthday present, but very hush-hush so absolutely no information until the Birthday has been and gone.
Naturally once it is officially on display, I will put a link to the many stages of the painting, from not quite initial sketch (was a bit of a bugger to get it into the right shape - ed) to completed article (as I am sure you would all love to see it - art critic ed)
Post Script
It is sad to report that the chap who created these beauties has stopped making them as his labelling was not up to scratch according to Trading Standards.
Yes it was the, intriguingly named Flaming Hot Pickled Onions. These are very strong pickled onions, with chillis added. Never heard of this combination before, so had to give them a try, I mean what else could a poor boy do?
Simply, wow, I mean, wow, well actually I mean, WOW.
Absolutely incredible, now I like pickled onions, shallots, well any pickled onion like substance. But the addition of chillis just takes them to another level of wonderful.
The first one I ate caused so much zing in my mouth that I unintentionally drooled, (never a good sight to see a grown man drool - ed). It was that flavoursome, my taste buds just didn't know what had hit them, or indeed what to do with this unbelievable combination of flavours (or the excessive drool - ed).
Luckily for all, and to stop further damage to t-shirts and jumpers (he's that kinda guy readers - fashion ed), we have come up with a plan. So simple (in retrospect - drool control ed), cut them into quarters, that way eating a quarter at a time doesn't cause the consequent drool overflow my mouth (wonderful - any more details you'd like to share - culinary ed)
Here is a photograph of the jar, to show that I am not joking (seriously not joking - truth ed).
Popped back to the butchers a little earlier on today to get some more, only to find they had none left, but they did have a couple of jars of cocktail onions with chillis, so bought them, and also asked two have two jars of the large onions put by, the next time there was a delivery. The staff at the butcher's had no clue when the chap would be delivering again. If push comes to shove come make my own, now that I know what a killer combination this is (any bacteria left in your mouth after that first whole onion? - ed)
Strangely, for something so fantastic, there is no name or address on the jar to say who makes them and where they are made. If I find out, I will let you all know, as these zingy wowy zowwy (perchance were you listening to David Bowie taday - music ed) things are the best thing ever to bring life back to a tired mouth.
Afterthought.
In case you were worried that I hadn't ranted enough about the Budget, I have another post in the offing about the so-called Millionaire's tax cut (careful now, he is primed and could go off on a rant at the merest hint of interest - economics ed).
But I have been a little busy today to get it finished. Seems that another painting is gestating. May well be another Birthday present, but very hush-hush so absolutely no information until the Birthday has been and gone.
Naturally once it is officially on display, I will put a link to the many stages of the painting, from not quite initial sketch (was a bit of a bugger to get it into the right shape - ed) to completed article (as I am sure you would all love to see it - art critic ed)
Post Script
It is sad to report that the chap who created these beauties has stopped making them as his labelling was not up to scratch according to Trading Standards.
Wednesday, 20 March 2013
Budget Analysis
Well, that was mostly a non-event. Apart from George frothing and spitting as he spoke, he really could have done with wearing a bib, causing Ed Balls and Ed Miliband to spend a lot of their time ducking and diving to avoid the spittle flying from one side of the house to the other.
There is a sop to house buyers with extra help for not only all first time buyers but all those wishing to move up the housing ladder (on houses less thatn £600K - most of us - ed). It will be interesting to see whether or not this will have any effect, as the devil will be in the detail, and getting the government involved in house purchases in any way would seem to be an opportunity for an increase in form filling and might even make the system grind to a complete stop.
What has been offered to small businesses (SMEs), is an Employment Allowance, a rebate of £2,000 on their Employers National Insurance contributions, that is only one amount per company. This will be very valuable for very small companies wanting to hire their first worker, as it will wipe out the entire amount of Employers NI for workers with a salary up to £22K. But this is a pre-announcement and will only be from April 2014 (it is never from tomorrow, unless it is a tax rise, when it is usually midnight tonight - ed)
What is significant, is that from April 2014 (another year to go - ed) is that the income tax threshold is to be increased to £10,000. This means that you would be able to earn £10,000 before you pay any income tax, but you would still be paying National Insurance of £288.
What I like about this and they need to go further still, is that it is a further move to getting all those that are on low wages, and are deemed poor by the Government out of paying tax altogether.
There is a sop to house buyers with extra help for not only all first time buyers but all those wishing to move up the housing ladder (on houses less thatn £600K - most of us - ed). It will be interesting to see whether or not this will have any effect, as the devil will be in the detail, and getting the government involved in house purchases in any way would seem to be an opportunity for an increase in form filling and might even make the system grind to a complete stop.
What has been offered to small businesses (SMEs), is an Employment Allowance, a rebate of £2,000 on their Employers National Insurance contributions, that is only one amount per company. This will be very valuable for very small companies wanting to hire their first worker, as it will wipe out the entire amount of Employers NI for workers with a salary up to £22K. But this is a pre-announcement and will only be from April 2014 (it is never from tomorrow, unless it is a tax rise, when it is usually midnight tonight - ed)
What is significant, is that from April 2014 (another year to go - ed) is that the income tax threshold is to be increased to £10,000. This means that you would be able to earn £10,000 before you pay any income tax, but you would still be paying National Insurance of £288.
What I like about this and they need to go further still, is that it is a further move to getting all those that are on low wages, and are deemed poor by the Government out of paying tax altogether.
Beer duty escalator abolished!
I wrote about the Beer Duty Escalator in a previous post and obviously that post (are you really crediting yourself with this change - faithless ed) in conjunction with the Stop the Beer Duty e-petition has been a resounding success!
Well done to The Chanceller for not only abolishing the escalator (shares in Otis headed downwards after this announcement - ed), but more much more than that - he has cut the price by 1p from Sunday, but given that that is at the wholesale level it is unlikely that the price of a pint at the 'bar face' (coal face - ed) is unlikely to go down.
Well done to The Chanceller for not only abolishing the escalator (shares in Otis headed downwards after this announcement - ed), but more much more than that - he has cut the price by 1p from Sunday, but given that that is at the wholesale level it is unlikely that the price of a pint at the 'bar face' (coal face - ed) is unlikely to go down.
Tuesday, 19 March 2013
Almost 2000
Up to 1988 page views (the total over the last few months - don't get too excited - circulation ed) - am I am getting quite excited to see it roll over to 2000.
I would like to thank all of you for reading my rant and wiffle, I have a list of people to thank (the list is longer than a 10,000 line code listing - in other words quite long - reckon this will need a little editing - ed)
Firstly I would like to [oh no you don't snip, snigger snigger - ed]
Post Afterthought
Hurrah, been there, done that, next number that I want is 5,000. Stick with me and let me entertain you (oooh, errr, know that one - entertainments ed)
I would like to thank all of you for reading my rant and wiffle, I have a list of people to thank (the list is longer than a 10,000 line code listing - in other words quite long - reckon this will need a little editing - ed)
Firstly I would like to [oh no you don't snip, snigger snigger - ed]
Post Afterthought
Hurrah, been there, done that, next number that I want is 5,000. Stick with me and let me entertain you (oooh, errr, know that one - entertainments ed)
New Press Regulator to spend our tax pounds
It appears that the new press regulation will include websites such as this one, if I cover "news-related material".
In Schedule 4, in "Key Definitions", it says and I quote:
1. (b) “relevant publisher” means a person (other than a broadcaster) who publishes in the United Kingdom:
i. a newspaper or magazine containing news-related material, or
ii. a website containing news-related material (whether or not related to a newspaper or magazine);
So what is, "news-related material", you might ask and sadly as in many Government documents, they have to define and define and then redefine their terms so that we can work out what it means. They do this in section 1 e)
e) “news-related material” means:
i. news or information about current affairs;
ii. opinion about matters relating to the news or current affairs; or
iii. gossip about celebrities, other public figures or other persons in the news.
So, hang on, I give opions about matters relating to news or current affairs, that must mean that it covers me? Do I gossip as well - don't think so, but they don't define gossip, so I have no idea on that front. So does that mean I have to subscribe to one of the Regulators? And if not what happens to me?
What is worse than this, this draft Royal Charter effectively says that our tax pounds are going to fund it for the first three years, how do I work this one out, in the section Money it states:
11.1. The Exchequer shall grant to the Recognition Panel such sums of money as are sufficient to enable the Board to commence its operations and thereafter fulfil its Purpose for the first three years after the date upon which this Charter becomes effective
Which means that after the first three years, it has to charge the Regulators that it has given the OK to, sufficient fees to keep itself ticking over. But, and here again, it comes to our tax pounds, in section 11.7 it effectively says that if the Recognition Panel racks up losses due to legal fees or
(c) wholly unforeseen events, it shall have the right to request further reasonable sums from the Exchequer.
which means if it makes a massive mistake, then we could well end up paying for it!
Who is a part of this and how does this new body work then?
Well this is the interesting part (oh no - head for the hills, its that word again - outdoor ed), the government have basically instructed the Queen (long may she continue to rule over us - Royal Ed) to issue this draft document, as they do not want to be seen to be doing it via the House of Commons or via a law (statute as they call - ed)
The document explains that a "Body Corporate" is to be created, which is simply a legal entity (thing, object - ed) somewhat grandly called the "Recognition Panel". Aha, what are they going to recognise you might wonder (wandering off at this point - ed) but that would be getting ahead of ourselves.
This "Recognition Panel", will have a board (like in a board room - ed), called the "Board of the Recoginition Panel", with me so far?
This Board, "shall be responsible for the conduct and management of the Recognition Panel’s business and affairs", with you so far, but what is its business and affairs. Patience dear friend (and particularly my foreign friends, this is a very British way of handling delicate matters that you don't want the Government to do - ed) I am going as fast as I dare!
First, they have to define a few matters about who can or cannot be on the "Board of the Recognition Panel".... dull dull dull, then they get to the purpose of the "Recognition Panel" which is.
3.1. The Purpose for which the Recognition Panel is established and incorporated is to carry on activities relating to the recognition of Regulators in accordance with the terms of this Charter.
Eh, just what are they talking about. Well, it means exactly what it says, that the purpose is to "recognise Regulators".
Right, but who are the "Regulators", and what are the terms of the Charter?
You have to realise, that you need time and effort to get to the bottom of this, as it will determine the freedom or otherwise of our Press for quite some considerable time to come, assuming that the Press themseleves understand this wiffley document (pardon Your Majesty, the wise and informative words in this document that you have so kindly brought forth - kowtowing ed).
Heading back to the definitions section, it defines a "Regulator" this way in Key Definitions section 1:
a) “Regulator” means an independent body formed by or on behalf of relevant publishers for the purpose of conducting regulatory activities in relation to their publications;
Eh? Isn't that what the Press Complaints Commission (PCC) is already. Well NO you just haven't read enough of the document yet!
The Recognition Panel will only recognise a "Regulator" if and only if they meet the the 23 (interesting number 23 - anyone read The Illuminatus Trilogy by Shea and Wilson - good books ed) conditions outlined in the Schedule, "Recognition Criteria".
This is a long and tedious list (please don't bore us with it - ed) that attempts to define what hoops a potential, "Regulator", has to jump through before being recognised as a, "Regulator", by the, "Board of the Recognition Panel". (Think I may have lost the will to live - ed)
One of the steps (count them 23 - ed) is that the "Regulator" to be has itself to create a "Board" - eh? Anyone still with me at this point, (I presume that we aren't there yet - ed)
What those who code might have noticed is that the "Recognition Panel" is in fact a meta-body, that is a body that gives the rules for the creation of other bodies, in this case, "Regulators", who are themselves "independent regulatory bodies" that need to meet various but not all of the Leveson Inquiry recommendations. Is that the nub of the matter, yes. But where are the newspapers etc in all of this? We are almost at the point where they are mentioned but not quite mentioned!
Now, once a Regulator has been recognised, they then can allow entities to subscribe to them i.e. agree to adhere to the rules as laid out by the Regulator. This is where the Press come into it. The Press are the subscribers to the recognised Regulator - and must then abide by its rules and also fund it!
It has taken a while to get here, and I have cut out pretty much all of the gritty detail. For your interest and mine I knocked up this a coloured diagram which is basically it without most of the verbiage and who appoints who to what.
So all of the above is being created to do what? Ensure that we do not put the freedom of the press under the control of the House of Commons and hopefully improve on the way the press are currently self-regulated - which is done by basically creating a new Regulator or Regulators as there can be more than one (surely there can only be one, another film reference for those who made it to here - film ed).
Who appoints the Recognition Panel?
What, you mean it isn't obvious, well that will be the Commissioner for Public Appointments, well not exactly, this Commissioner will himself appoint 4 candidates to be on an Appointments Committee and unbelievably this committe will then use a set of criteria defined in Schedule 1 section 3 named most enlighteningly, "Criteria for Appointment to the Board of the Recognition Panel". So it seems to go and on... (ariston - advert ed)
Do we really believe all of this?
I have no idea whether you belive all of the above or do not. If you read the actual Draft Royal Charter, after having read the above, it will be a bit more obvious what they are on about, and might make it easier to understand.
In Schedule 4, in "Key Definitions", it says and I quote:
1. (b) “relevant publisher” means a person (other than a broadcaster) who publishes in the United Kingdom:
i. a newspaper or magazine containing news-related material, or
ii. a website containing news-related material (whether or not related to a newspaper or magazine);
So what is, "news-related material", you might ask and sadly as in many Government documents, they have to define and define and then redefine their terms so that we can work out what it means. They do this in section 1 e)
e) “news-related material” means:
i. news or information about current affairs;
ii. opinion about matters relating to the news or current affairs; or
iii. gossip about celebrities, other public figures or other persons in the news.
So, hang on, I give opions about matters relating to news or current affairs, that must mean that it covers me? Do I gossip as well - don't think so, but they don't define gossip, so I have no idea on that front. So does that mean I have to subscribe to one of the Regulators? And if not what happens to me?
What is worse than this, this draft Royal Charter effectively says that our tax pounds are going to fund it for the first three years, how do I work this one out, in the section Money it states:
11.1. The Exchequer shall grant to the Recognition Panel such sums of money as are sufficient to enable the Board to commence its operations and thereafter fulfil its Purpose for the first three years after the date upon which this Charter becomes effective
Which means that after the first three years, it has to charge the Regulators that it has given the OK to, sufficient fees to keep itself ticking over. But, and here again, it comes to our tax pounds, in section 11.7 it effectively says that if the Recognition Panel racks up losses due to legal fees or
(c) wholly unforeseen events, it shall have the right to request further reasonable sums from the Exchequer.
which means if it makes a massive mistake, then we could well end up paying for it!
Who is a part of this and how does this new body work then?
Well this is the interesting part (oh no - head for the hills, its that word again - outdoor ed), the government have basically instructed the Queen (long may she continue to rule over us - Royal Ed) to issue this draft document, as they do not want to be seen to be doing it via the House of Commons or via a law (statute as they call - ed)
The document explains that a "Body Corporate" is to be created, which is simply a legal entity (thing, object - ed) somewhat grandly called the "Recognition Panel". Aha, what are they going to recognise you might wonder (wandering off at this point - ed) but that would be getting ahead of ourselves.
This "Recognition Panel", will have a board (like in a board room - ed), called the "Board of the Recoginition Panel", with me so far?
This Board, "shall be responsible for the conduct and management of the Recognition Panel’s business and affairs", with you so far, but what is its business and affairs. Patience dear friend (and particularly my foreign friends, this is a very British way of handling delicate matters that you don't want the Government to do - ed) I am going as fast as I dare!
First, they have to define a few matters about who can or cannot be on the "Board of the Recognition Panel".... dull dull dull, then they get to the purpose of the "Recognition Panel" which is.
3.1. The Purpose for which the Recognition Panel is established and incorporated is to carry on activities relating to the recognition of Regulators in accordance with the terms of this Charter.
Eh, just what are they talking about. Well, it means exactly what it says, that the purpose is to "recognise Regulators".
Right, but who are the "Regulators", and what are the terms of the Charter?
You have to realise, that you need time and effort to get to the bottom of this, as it will determine the freedom or otherwise of our Press for quite some considerable time to come, assuming that the Press themseleves understand this wiffley document (pardon Your Majesty, the wise and informative words in this document that you have so kindly brought forth - kowtowing ed).
Heading back to the definitions section, it defines a "Regulator" this way in Key Definitions section 1:
a) “Regulator” means an independent body formed by or on behalf of relevant publishers for the purpose of conducting regulatory activities in relation to their publications;
Eh? Isn't that what the Press Complaints Commission (PCC) is already. Well NO you just haven't read enough of the document yet!
The Recognition Panel will only recognise a "Regulator" if and only if they meet the the 23 (interesting number 23 - anyone read The Illuminatus Trilogy by Shea and Wilson - good books ed) conditions outlined in the Schedule, "Recognition Criteria".
This is a long and tedious list (please don't bore us with it - ed) that attempts to define what hoops a potential, "Regulator", has to jump through before being recognised as a, "Regulator", by the, "Board of the Recognition Panel". (Think I may have lost the will to live - ed)
One of the steps (count them 23 - ed) is that the "Regulator" to be has itself to create a "Board" - eh? Anyone still with me at this point, (I presume that we aren't there yet - ed)
What those who code might have noticed is that the "Recognition Panel" is in fact a meta-body, that is a body that gives the rules for the creation of other bodies, in this case, "Regulators", who are themselves "independent regulatory bodies" that need to meet various but not all of the Leveson Inquiry recommendations. Is that the nub of the matter, yes. But where are the newspapers etc in all of this? We are almost at the point where they are mentioned but not quite mentioned!
Now, once a Regulator has been recognised, they then can allow entities to subscribe to them i.e. agree to adhere to the rules as laid out by the Regulator. This is where the Press come into it. The Press are the subscribers to the recognised Regulator - and must then abide by its rules and also fund it!
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| Hope this helps |
So all of the above is being created to do what? Ensure that we do not put the freedom of the press under the control of the House of Commons and hopefully improve on the way the press are currently self-regulated - which is done by basically creating a new Regulator or Regulators as there can be more than one (surely there can only be one, another film reference for those who made it to here - film ed).
Who appoints the Recognition Panel?
What, you mean it isn't obvious, well that will be the Commissioner for Public Appointments, well not exactly, this Commissioner will himself appoint 4 candidates to be on an Appointments Committee and unbelievably this committe will then use a set of criteria defined in Schedule 1 section 3 named most enlighteningly, "Criteria for Appointment to the Board of the Recognition Panel". So it seems to go and on... (ariston - advert ed)
Do we really believe all of this?
I have no idea whether you belive all of the above or do not. If you read the actual Draft Royal Charter, after having read the above, it will be a bit more obvious what they are on about, and might make it easier to understand.
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