Minister: Humphrey, this latest report says that all our IT projects are going to be massively delayed.
Humphrey: Yes, Minister.
Minister: Well why is that Humphrey?
Humphrey: All our IT contractors left.
Minister: Really, that must have been a terrible shock.
Humphrey: No, Minister.
Minister: What, you mean we weren’t surprised.
Humphrey: As you are aware Minister, I am rarely surprised. We were told it would happen.
Minister: Who told you that?
Humphrey: No one of any importance Minister, just the contractor associations, recruitment agencies, accountants and lawyers who work in that area.
Minister: Why were they telling you that?
Humphrey: They were responding to our Off Payroll Public Sector IR35 reforms consultation.
Minister: What are the Public Sector IR35 reforms Humphrey?
Humphrey: Some vague, poorly conceived and inconsistently applied legislation.
Minister: Well that just sounds like all government legislation!
Humphrey: Yes, minister.
Minister: So, why on earth did we go ahead with it, if we knew it would delay all our central government IT projects?
Humphrey: Oh no, it’s not just central government Minister, we will cripple IT projects across the whole of the public sector including the NHS, local councils, MoD, TFL and the BBC.
Minister: Well shutting down the lefty BBC is obviously a good thing. But why would we risk crippling all those other departments?
Humphrey: Minister they will only be delayed, not crippled.
Minister: Remind me why are we doing this Humphrey.
Humphrey: We say that it is only fair that contractors pay the same tax and national insurance as employees.
Minister: We say that! Is that true?
Humphrey: Of course not Minister. Contractors have numerous additional business costs. They tend to work for short durations on specific projects before moving to a new client.
Minister: I am confused Humphrey, why would we make them all employees?
Humphrey: We aren’t Minister!
Minister: You just said we were!
Humphrey: No I didn’t Minister. I said we will tax them like employees. We won't be giving them any employment benefits like holiday, sick pay, training, career development or redundancy.
Minister: It doesn’t seem fair to tax someone like an employee, but not give them any employee benefits.
Humphrey: It isn’t Minister.
Minister: Then why are we doing it?
Humphrey: To force them all out of their contracting roles.
Minister: Why on earth would we do that?
Humphrey: So we can give all the work to the big multi-national consultancies.
Minister: Aha. So that will save the country money.
Humphrey: No Minister, it will cost a lot more, the quality will be poorer and everything will be delayed.
Minister: Will we collect a lot more tax?
Humphrey: Oh no Minister. Big multi-national corporations don’t pay very much in the way of corporation tax.
Minister: That sounds terrible. Then why are we doing it Humphrey?
Humphrey: Those large multi-national consultancies contributed heavily to your election campaign and will give you a cushy well-paid job when you retire from politics.
Minister: Excellent Humphrey, well done!
Addendum
Sad to say the idea for the above skit was not mine. However, after receiving it I thought it was worthy of wider attention as it made me laugh, which is A Good Thing.
For the record, I did edit it slightly.
Thanks to "you know who" for coming up with it.
History of IR35 and Freelance Contracting.
For a full history of this farcical situation see this: Potted History of the IR35 legislation.
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