“I would like to apologise”
“What have you done this time?”
“Nuffin!”
“What nuffin schmuffin?”
“Correctamundo Frederick”
“Then why are you apologising for?”
“Because I have done things that need apologising for”
“Give me a ‘for instance’ ”
“Won’t, you can’t make me”
“Hang on, you started this silly conversation; I am simply trying to find out what you are apologising for?”
“Hmm, good point, well made. Do you have something to apologise for?”
“Hang on a moment, you’ve switched it around, why am I having to think of something I need to apologise for?”
“Aha, so you have nothing to apologise for? You have somehow led a blameless life? Seems a little unlikely don’t you think?”
“This is most unfair, why am I under scrutiny here? No, I have not led a blameless life, I have done things that were unfair, thoughtless, sometimes even underhand, but never unscrupulous.”
“So you DO have something you need to apologise for! Thought you might, given the life you have led. So go on, let us know what you would like to apologise for”
“Sorry, I am not prepared to apologise at this time or in this place.”
“Hmm, so you’ve done bad stuff to people and they don’t deserve to have an apology, even at this late stage?”
“What do you mean, I haven’t done ‘bad stuff’ to people”
“But you have just admitted that you need to apologise, but simply not here and now? What did you do and to whom?”
“That is none of your concern”
“Well it is now, I was preparing to apologise, you butted in, disrupted my prepared speech with claims of leading a blameful life with never an apology. How can that be? Do you ever apologise for anything?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact I apologise immediately I realise I have done something ‘wrong’. It is better to get the apology in sooner rather than later. Apologies have a way of becoming harder, more set in their ways if you leave them.”
“So what have you had to apologise for recently?”
“Nope, not going to tell you, that is between me and my counsellor”,
“Aha, so you are seeking help for your inability to apologise?”
“No, that is not why I am seeing a counsellor!”
“So why then?”
“Again, this is not something I am prepared to discuss, with you, at this time, or in this place”
“So, what are you prepared to bare your soul about?”
“Now that is an interesting question?”
“Yes, it is, isn’t it. So go on, give us a hint?”
“Us? Who is us?”
“Well that will be me...”,
“Yesss….”
“... and my world wide blog audience”
“Excuse me, you are blogging this conversation?”
“Yes….”
“... and why would you do that?”
“That is because I have absolutely nothing to hide”
“I am sorry, I find that very hard to believe, next you will be telling me Donald Trump is the President of the United States of America!”
“As a matter of fact, he is.”
“Given the world is not a radioactive wasteland, I struggle to believe you.”
“But he is, he is going to build a wall”
“Like Pink Floyd did in their ‘The Wall’ concerts?”
“Nope, much bigger and better than that.”
“What bigger and better than the Great Wall of China?”
“Nope. Not that big”
“So where is this wall going to go?”
“On the border between Mexico and the US.”
“Really, why does he want to build a wall there?”
“To stop the Mexicans from coming in to the US”
“Errm, but wouldn’t they just get a boat around the wall to get to the US, or get a flight, or make their way to Canada and cross that unattended border? What has he got against the Mexicans?”
“Depends on whether you believe what he says in his speeches, statements to the press and his Twitter account. He believes they are the cause of crime, drugs, rape and murder in the US”
“... and are they? There is certainly a lot of crime in Mexico, there are headless bodies turning up all the time. Has he got facts backing his statements, or it is just anecdotal?”
[The EBC interrupts at this point]
Apologies for interrupting you in mid flow, but you have failed to follow the editorial guidelines and you have wandered off into the rich tapestry of Trumpland - Reality TV Gone Mad (™) and as you are not a fully paid up member of The Union of US Satirists you cannot write anything about Da Trump,
This is a cease and desist interruption and I hereby declare this blog post stopped.
[End of EBC interrupt, apologies for any inconvenience caused]
“Well that was a surprise””,
“Certainly was, but notice the double apology, those EBC Gals are simply wonderfully polite”
“Where we we?”
“No idea, I think I have lost the plot”,
“Sounds about right,, maybe we should close this post?”
“Have you got anything more to say?”
“I always have more to say, just not at this time or at this place”
Note For The Dedicated Reader
Well done, you have reached the end of one of the more rambling blog posts, you are hereby award an extra 100 Golden Wonder Points.
What are ‘Golden Wonder Points?’
Each new person that I meet is given a stock of 1,000 Golden Wonder Points. This is a reservoir of the goodwill that I feel for each and everyone in the World.
As I interact with people, the number allocated to them is either added to or subtracted from (I have a rather large spreadsheet to keep a track of all this, it can be quite time consuming!)
If the stock of a person’s GWPs drops to zero or below, I endeavour to stop having anything to do with that person and actively stay clear.
Note: This stock is given to each and every person, irrespective of what I have heard or read about them.
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