I appear to be on holiday … but appearances can be deceptive.
Looking at the facts (just the facts ma’am - ed ), I find I am sitting on a roof terrace (yes, still on the same black wicker chair as that last blog post), in the shade (not of an old oak tree) but some kind of awning (that is like yawning but without the why, or even the wherefore - losing sanity ed).
Why shade? That is due to the intensity of the Puglian late Summer sun or is it early Autumn sun?.
For those in the “know”, or even with a superficial knowledge of Italy. Puglia, and in particular Lecce (because that is where I like to believe I am - geography ed), is to be found in the heel of the boot. This is with the assumption that you have the faintest idea of what Italy looks like. (For my Alaskan reader, look for Europe on Google Maps - and then Italy in particular - it is the one that looks like a long leather boot - ed)
What are you doing?
I appear to typing on some kind of padded or tablet computing device, with Gusto (though he has just popped down to get some cold bottled water and will be back shortly - ed).
Even when I am away, “On holibobs”, as some might say, the lure of the keyboard is hard to resist.
Contractor on holiday - don’t make me larf.
(But you are a contractor! Surely that is not allowed? You
need to work work work until your Daddy takes your keyboard away - random music ed)…
(But the cost! The lost fee income! My utmost importance to the delivery of working, tested, reliable, maintainable performant software is now irreparably damaged. If the client somehow manages to manage without me.. where will I be, come contract renewal time… just an expendable provider of easily replaceable services… D’oh ed)
...But no, no, and thrice no, (Nanette was for once excluded - ed) I for one …
(But there are so many of you in there? How can you know which one to believe - there ain’t no sanity ed)
...don’t believe that
I have always thought that the hardest part of having a break from work, perhaps even a holiday, is the Return to Work (™) - where passwords and keystrokes that came without bidding to my fingertips are suddenly gone; not forgotten, just not leaping to mind at the speed of cascades of firing neurons.
It takes a lot of effort to dredge them up from the recesses of my mind and dust them off. For some reason this always elicits a coughing fit, perhaps because they (the passwords, if you are getting lost with the Flow of the Wimble (™) ) had been hiding in the darkest dirtiest domain of my mind …
(and Madame S., if asked, will tell you, that is a filthy place to find yourself - ed)
...and not only have they got a little bit rusty but very dusty.
Top Passwords Tips
My top tips, to avoid having to go to the reset password screen of tens if not hundreds of different applications is …
wait for it…
write them all down on a piece of paper (strange as it may seem - this is now the recommended practice, who would have thought it).
However I strongly urge you not (and I mean quite loudly NOT) to leave this piece of paper on your monitor but perhaps secrete (which sounds like something that comes out of plants when they are squeezed - botanist ed) about your person or maybe in your wallet or purse, as it is very hard for hacker to remotely access things about your person.
Alternatively and more secretively you could either:-
- put the piece of paper in a biscuit tin (other tin types are available - balanced reporting ed) and bury it in the garden. Then take a photo, of, not only the spot in the garden where the tin is buried; and sadly I say this with some authority, take a picture of the front of your house, as even that image might get lost if you are away from home for more than two days, or in my case, any longer than 12 hours. It may surprise you, but it is the only way I find my way home after work every day! The neighbours all seem to know where I live, but I do struggle. As you may be aware (especially if you have read a post or two from this blog) I do have particular problems with short term something or other…..
- put the paper in a stamped self-addressed envelope and post it. FYI: This particular technique is used by all of the best undercover agents. I have used this more than once and the only time it has failed me was when the letter went missing. It turned up three weeks later, but sadly by then it was of absolutely no use. The words I used on the postman (for it was a man, unless he was in transition, but that was too personal a question to ask and really was not the top of the list of things I wanted to discuss with him/her), are for legal reasons not allowed to be repeated.
- I had thought of a third top tip...but I seem to have forgotten what it was…
A Contractor On Holiday?
A contractor holiday or A Major Loss of Fee Earning Potential (™) as I used to call it, is, to my mind …
(Don’t trust me, I hasten to add, I have only been contracting almost continually since 1986 - and no, that is not a year typo - I am indeed now officially Older Than The Hills (™) - I have a certificate to prove it… or is that the certificate I was given the last time I was let out from the “special” hospital… anyhow I know have a certificate … well it maybe for swimming (without imbibing all the water in the pool) a massive distance of 10 metres when I was 9 (!)… and yes, I was nine once… it was just a very very long time ago - random ramble ed)
...an integral part of keeping the Sanity Hamsters (™) well and truly caged in the dark corners of my mind.
Why did you need a Holiday?
Perhaps after the shortest, coldest and wettest English Summer in modern history…
(Errm, but that is the usual English Summer, so shut up, stop moaning and just get used to it - Met Office ed)
- … simply the need to feel hot (Bridget says I am hot, but I don’t think that is the kind of hot I am after - boost that ego ed),
- eat fabulous food,
- drink the finest local wines and beers,
- walk around streets dripping with history (or was that something the preceding dog had left behind - Canine ed),
- gaze at wonderful architecture (or wonder at gazing architecture?),
- take hundreds of photos of doors, (You can’t go wrong with an ornate massive Italian double door, some of the knockers are simply outstanding - I am sure there is condition for that - Dr ed).
- be able to wander through ancient, narrow, well worn stone streets without the need for clothing for every possible weather eventuality, and now I come to think of it, this is the key point!
Scotland aside.
It is worth noting, that we did have a short break in Scotland in May, and for those of you who have never sullied its blue tinged heartlands, it is absolutely essential to have clothing and outer garments for every possible type of weather, really, truly, I am not joking.
In the space of a few minutes you can find yourself switching between hats, scarves, gloves and winter coats to shorts and t-shirts followed seconds later with the need to switch to a souwester and galoshes.
Luckily for us we seem to have managed to hit it when there was some settled weather. However, we did come to the conclusion that the weather was calm due to the presence of our lucky mascot.
But where are you going with this?
Nowhere it appears.
Some kind of small yellow beetle like insect has invaded my little keyboard, nope, news flash, now the screen, no it has fallen off the oh so smooth screen and taken up residence on the “minus” key…
...and so with the small insects life in my hands (or even under my fingertips) and with my courteous refusal to crush him by typing on him I bid you a good afternoon and a fond holiday laden “adieu”.
For those of a curious nature, the small yellow beetle has had his fill of the “-” key, moved temporarily onto the “=” key and now flown the coop. Not that my keyboard is a coop, it simply just a saying.
