I think I probably know each and everyone of my readers (though not everything about them, that inside leg measurement seems to be missing off most of their Facebook pages - ed)
That is apart from my Alaskan Reader; no idea who he/she/other* (*please choose one - ed) is. Never been to Alaska, or know anyone who has moved there in recent times, so they are still probably just a web-crawling server farm enjoying the climate in the far Northwest of continental North America.
So, these readers (I love you all - Dick Emery ed), occasionally mail me with helpful comments..
Please Stop
Is not one of the comments I have received, which is a bit of a surprise, but then I am continually surprised by the way of the world. Events in the world seem to have moved up a notch in recent times, with a major increase in speed. Naturally this can not keep increasing, but maybe just an uptick and in due course (“If you touch that Julie Coarse there will be trouble”, I hear the Bridget In My Head (™) saying - ed) there will be a downtick.
We went to lunch, or possibly second breakfast with Esmerelda Blenkinsop, during her short, but pleasant stop with us last week.
Going to lunch, with no Prime Minister and none in the offing until early September, came back from lunch (Bottega dei Sapori has little mobile coverage and no Wifi, hurrah - ed) and lo and behold we had a new Prime Minister.
Complaints
“Where’s the missing link?”, the latest and most raised complaint, to which I would retort,
“Just next to Darwin College, at the University of Kent, Canterbury, (UK - ed)”, well in my head at least, usually I just mumble apologies about my inadequate use of modern technology and the failure to paste a copied link and that I will try to do better next time.
I reckon that the more people you are intending to inform (not spam - ed) of the latest ground breaking post (I did dig out some early potatoes - so at least that was groundbreaking - gardening ed), the more likely you are to cock it up, that does appear to be life.
But apart, from this minor complaint, and mentioning this just goes to show that I can take criticism (but it makes me feel really really bad, so hold off on the WTF!?’s. If I had a WTF!? counter it would have gone “tilt” by now - ed).
I suppose the most common complaint or is it just a plain comment with dark undertones, rather like that bottle of Italian wine I purchased from Buon Vino, that was one of the top five (3+2 = 5 - maths teaching assistant ed) wines I have ever tasted, well once you have ruled out all of the wines that my Brother-in-Law (Hi Ali - please don’t hold back on sharing the wines - ed) has shared with me (ahem, us - don’t forget Bridget ed) over the past years. I have got well beyond the point where my top five wines has just a few more than five in it.
Sorry, started to go off on one, (this really is one of the most common complaints - circulation ed), but what I was trying to do was…
(outside the window of the 6:44 Alton to Waterloo train, the Wimbledon(e) Train Care Depot has just receded from view, I am in my usual seat, carriage 7 of 8 and it is now 07:40, Thursday 30th June and heading backwards to Waterloo ...
[Am I Always Repeating Myself - Abba Ref ed],
...and I am moving into Holiday Mode (™) as this is my last day at work...
[Sadly not for ever, as my lottery ticket has failed to come up, AGAIN - big sighs R Us ed]
...before a two week break from work, not life it appears - ed).
[And back to the plot from somewhere up above]
… was…. was what? Totally lost the thread of what was coming next - but I am now picking this post up nearly three weeks later so I am not really surprised.
Let’s move on...
Continental Break and perhaps Breakfast
“Is having a break allowed?”, I can hear the unrest percolating through my readership, as emails start to fly and I am bombarded with questions:
- “Will there be posts?”,
- “Where are you going?”,
- “What will you be doing?”,
- “Are you taking your iron and iron board for some more extreme ironing?”
- “Are you going to practice your, “Strictly”, hip wiggle some more?” (just to enlighten you, that is Bridget asking that one, though a lady, she has a large amount of years BEFORE she is a Lady of A Certain Age - phew think I got away with that one ed)
- “Are you going to write about what happens to you?”
As it happens, we are going to Italy, in the Summer, where I have been lead to believe it will be hot.
Well I can take hot, I can.
I was in an office in Southampton the last time it was HOT 30+ C (that was IN the office, an old 60s office block with little or no working air conditioning - ed) for a sustained period in the UK (Summer 2006 for those with short term memory issues - sarky ed), well that is in the South of England, can’t speak for the weather in the rest of the country at that time, as even with my many (many - ed) unrivalled skills even I can’t be in multiple places at the same time (well apart from in my mind that is, where I am usually all over the place at all times - psych eval ed)
The theory is there will be posts (though as I am finishing writing this AFTER coming back AND there were no successful posts during the holiday then we can assume that there were in fact no posts during this period - truth commission ed)
(Though I did try and post the Room with a view photo with a few simple words like - “I”, “A” and “Y” - but that failed for some reason which I then failed to get to the bottom of. I mean, why would I try and work out why, I was on holiday don’t ya know; but for those readers who are concerned, and that will be very few, if any, of you I would have thought, that photo was finally published just now - ed)
Busy Doing Nothing
We plan on doing nothing much, with as much of “nothing” as we can get away with;
- there will be walking; you know the slow measured type (as it will be hot - ed),
- there will be much admiration of the architecture (look at that old brick, and that one and that roof over there, and that piazza…. ed)
- there will be visiting churches (they are usually much cooler on the inside, cooler in all respects you might say - architecture ed)
- there will be standing and admiring the gorgeous vistas (and gorgeous women [and men - equal opportunity ed] if I am lucky - but don’t tell Bridget - ed)
- there will be sitting in shade sipping cold beers, chilled white and sparkling white wines (well as much of this as I can convince Bridget to do - ed)
- there will be tomatoes on bread (though I think the Italians have a much better name for it than that - ed)
- there will be lie-ins (strangely this was not to be the case, as it was dare I say it, yes, yes I must, It Was Too Hot, so that getting out early in the morning; who knew that 5-6 a.m. existed on holiday; to wander around in the cool was a necessity and then possibly retreating indoors from mid-day until early evening to air-conditioned luxury possibly with a recently purchased cold bottle of Franciacorta - a sparkling white wine perhaps with a few nibbles became the order of play... - ed)
- there will be no beaches (distinctly lacking on top of a medieval Tuscan hill town - not sure how they expect to get any tourists at all - clueless ed)
- there will be no swimming (even if there are pools - ed)
- there will be no squealing (it is far from Deliverance territory - ed)
- hopefully there will be few if any children crying at being dragged around by their parents to look at “Italian culture” (sadly screaming tired, thirsty, hungry and hot kids are one thing that is simply International - whatever the nationality the kids seem to be the same. There is something profound here, but I shall not explore that in this post, perhaps another one, perhaps not - ed)
- there will be a Fanny Handover Event (™) where we will meet Esmerelda Blenkinsop’s family and return with her to the UK - this is the crux of the whole holiday, to bring her back to Blighty for a few days as part of her Grand European Tour of Culture (escapes me how visiting us in Alton is part of a culture tour - but then again what do I know about anything - ed)
- there will be wearing of the Official Straw Hat of Summer (™) on my head. (I think that I managed to get away with no photos of me in the hat, but if I do find one, I will post it - as I am sure you would all love to see me in a hat maybe even with a smile? - ed)
We are only in Italy for a calendar week (not sure that there are any other type of weeks, but you know Mr Alaska can get a little confused - ed) and actually a little less as we fly out on the Saturday morning and fly back on the following Friday early afternoon, so covers 7 days, but travel seems to take up around a day
Ironing In Hot Climes
Just to be clear. There will be no ironing on holiday.
It is not allowed, It will not happen.
Though I do feel a certain urge to dress up …
(I can hear the pinny calling, and the thought of hot air circulating around the my naked torso has a certain attraction, not a picture that I will paint in anything but words; though it does throw up, and perhaps cause my readers to throw up at the thought, the idea of body painting for some reason that escapes me - ed)
..and iron on the balcony overlooking the Tuscan countryside, it does have a certain strange pull (You will not be doing any ironing, not naked, not on a balcony - the ed amongst eds - Bridget)
Given that this is being written afterwards, I can categorically state that no ironing was done.
In fact standing, or sitting on the metal, yes metal balcony, though there were some wooden boards down but even they were hot, was skin scorchingly hot during the day, so, if any ironing had been done (and let’s be clear, none was done - ed) it would have to have been done early morning or after the sun had moved far to the west, to allow the balcony to cool and naturally when Bridget was asleep or out of the room.
Remember, no ironing was done, with pinny on (or not as the pinny was forgotten).
Any gaggle of tourists standing underneath the balcony admiring the far off rolling blue hills of the Tuscan countryside were not shocked at getting an eyeful of Ironing Wonderland (™)..remember that this did not happen (especially if you are reading this Bridget - ed).
Strictly Wiggle
There have been some comments on the Strictly Hip Wiggle (™) from my more discerning readers, who seem to be commenting anonymously these days (but I know who you all are - circulation and Google statistics ed)
Posts about Italy
Well you could say that this post is about the holiday, though I am sure that when it started it was going to be about comments from readers of this blog; but being someone of meagre talents, when the muse wanders off in a different direction it is always wise to follow in the same direction to see where she (muses are all female as far as I am aware, though Muse the band do not have any females in it - pop ed) takes you (up some very blind alleys it appears - ed)
So there will be a further post or two on Italy, the switch from San Gimignano to Siena for the Fanny Handover Event (™) was sadly a major event as it appears I had been involved in booking the hotel in Siena (though when we arrived, apparently I had booked a hotel of the same name in Matera some 700km away, down near the boot of Italy and not in Siena at all - who’d have thought I could manage that - ed). That in conjunction with a very exciting and unexpectedly arduous taxi journey from San Gimignano to Siena without a toilet break was particularly taxing.
There will be Anguish in Aberdeen III - Heathrow Strikes Back
Well I could say real soon now, as we are not planning any more breaks until the Autumn, allowing me to complete the Aberdeen and Inverness trip posts with, what might be called alacrity, but events have overtaken me (along with most pedestrians as I am in Hot Climes Stroll Mode (™) where my tempo is much reduced to stop my feet overheating - ed).
Having got to Woking, in Anguish in Aberdeen Part Deux, the next installment is the coach trip to Heathrow followed by the Horror of Heathrow before we are in Aberdeen, let alone Inverness (or three hotel rooms in 12 hours!, as it is now known, yes that did happen, there were a number of unexpected water incidents, but you will need to wait until the full post for the details - ed)
This will be followed by a post on the success (really? - ed) of the Amsterdam trip mentioned in the Panning for Peppercorns post (amazin alliteration aside - ed) . Well there were a few minor incidents (or even miner incidents - ed) but nothing too disastrous.
After that I will fling out some posts on the Italy trip, perhaps, and that is definitely a maybe - some photos, depends on whether I remember.
Wind Up
This was not the post that I intended, but then they never seem to be, do they?
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