Hold your horses

You might be asking what has happened since the last blog post - and where have all the promised adventures gone (thankfully not up in smoke - fireman ed)

Well, had a major a dip in form, the muse not only left me, but apparently wandered off up the High Street heading for Farnham and hasn't been seen since.

So, for the moment (you call 2 months a moment! - bemused)  with the muse gone  obviously I have found it impossible to write, well, write a blog post, obviously been writing software, as that is the day job that earns me a crust or two (though not eating bread on the latest diet, or drinking wine - sigh ed) (What no toast, how can you have breakfast with no toast? - Bread ed)

So, while the writing muse is having a well earned sabbatical, to fill my social media commitments I have been using Instagram (welllll-come to the 20 Teenies Mr C, in my best Basil Brush impressions - ed).

It is invite only, I have accepted everyone who has asked, so far, so if you want to see the things that I spot and comment about head on over to Instagram and invite yourself and I can almost guarantee that I will accept. I mean why wouldn't I. You are all lovely, lovely people, or at least you say you are - and even if you aren't why would I not accept - I mean putting stuff up on the web does have a point , though making it invite only means that I know that people are actively following and will be pinged when I put something new up.

I am hoping to get back into the swing of things here. All the outstanding stories are still in my head (and more importantly accessible - ed) and will be committed to this blog at some point (is that a promise - ed)... errrm no.

Now that all the holiday trips to  Edinburgh, Aberdeen and Amsterdam are done (you live such an exciting life - sarcasm ed) - and more importantly there have been no more to fill up the backlog, it should be possible over the coming months to catch up on all the fum and frolics that I have had this year - and what a year it has been.

Slight Aside

You need to watch out for watering cans, they seem to be quite straightforward devices but can have unpleasant side effects.

We have a small and what I imagine was originally a  bright pink one,  that is  now sadly decayed and shows itself in a very faded and jaded light, perhaps washed out andit  holds less than a gallon (for my European readers that is 8 pints - ed) I would estimate. So it takes but moments to fill and rather annoyingly much less time to empty.

Gardening aside

I am not sure if I mentioned that we grew quite a lot of "stuff" in the garden this year, in pots, in the soil, small plastic greenhouses etc etc. (For the uninitiated "stuff" means vegetables - including tomatoes but no fruit - gardening ed).

Garlic - elephant and "normal" - though the elephant turned out "normal" and the normal turned out titchy - but both of so very tasty (hold that tasty thought - tasty, tasty, very very tasty, their very tasty - 70's ad ed)

Tomatoes - four or five varieties in hanging baskets, pots and in grow bags. Mixed results (possibly due to the mixed varieties and locations - science ed),  but they were much more successful than the last few attempts in the "soil" which have all ended up blighted. The plastic temporary green houses generated large volumes of tomatoes (and Davey likes matoes - ed) and have now been put to bed for the Winter and will be used again - considering a real greenhouse, but that will depend on money and whether I can kill off the black bamboo (what, the old bamboo, the old bamboo - musical ed) and sort out the compost bins.

By "sort out", I mean empty and move out the way so that I can attack the black bamboo that is hiding behind it and dig it up and remove it. I attacked it earlier in the Summer and moved some roots into pots to see if they would take, 50% success for that. So once the "in the soil" bamboo is gone I can replace it with a potted one(s). This will ensure that the old bamnboo does not continue to sprout in all directions and destroy the rest of the neighbourhood.

Why not spray it with some bamboo killer? Well, I have thought about that, but I feel that I would rather do the physical exertion necessary to dig it up and remove it rather than poisoning it and its environs (is there so kind of eco-warrior lurking inside of you Mr C? - enviro ed). The aches, pains and blisters that will ensue, mean that I am alive and there is a certain pleasure (your weird - ed) in those post exertion aches and pains - for some reason it is generally two days later that it really hurts. Though I have noticed if I do yoga post gardening this removes most but not all the aches. Would highly recommend a few good yoga stretches.

Anyhow, there have been local rumblings that the black bamboo has been the reason for neighbourhood cat loss - I struggle to believe that, but looking on Youtube does show that in various parts of the UK cats are going missing.

My somewhat oddball explanation for this is that local birds are ganging and creating, "Avian Hit Flocks (tm)", and killing cats in mass flock attacks. Might explain some of the strange noises we hear out the back of the house at night.

Back to the gardening

So apart from the tomatoes and garlic, there were chillies - around 6 varities - these are all picked and are resting to ripen on the only sunlit window sill in the house (did I mention we live in a very small 2 bed terrace with only one window that gets direct sunlight - housing ed)

Three varieties of potatoes - which were a particular success - if I can find the photo of the two tatties that were as big as Bridgets feet then I will put it on Instagram.

Runner beans from our neighbours which have now been giving for around 2 1/2 months - and are still giving in October albeit a little more slowly.

Finally we had some peppers which were reasonably successul but what they lacked for in size they made up for in flavour.

What about the watering can?

Put those horses on hold.... I mean really, you are all so demanding....

So, we also added a number of pots with various annual and perenial flowers to the front garden - so having done this, they needed to be watered on a regular basis. But walking backwards and forwards with the tiny (but at least pink - Bridget) watering can, filled from the tap next to the back door to the garden at the front got a little time consuming (but count those steps - stepping mentor).

So a decision, sensible at the time, was to buy a bigger watering can (that way madness and heartbreak ensure - Cassandra ed).

In Alton we have the very appropriately named, "Alton Home Hardware" store, which luckily for us sells what I think must be 5 gallon watering cans - well I actually have no idea how big it is - but it is at least 5 times the size of Mr Pink and possibly it is a very sensible colour - green (you are so colourist [for my Alaskan reader read "colorist"] - ed)

So this being that much larger, took much (possibly much*5 - maths ed) longer to fill, which meant less walking backwards and forwards however the consequence was that when filled it was much much heavier - and water even at the best of times is quite heavy (checking on Google show that a gallon of water weight around 8.36lbs so that would mean that a 5 gallon watering can would be 41.5 lbs. Now I know it is heavy, but 41.5 pounds soundes rather a lot - will need to take out the bathroom scales and weight it).

Consequently the walk from the back of the house to the front was done with a limp and a serious tilt - (ok ok maybe it is not a 5 gallon watering can - perhaps it only carries water in litres - doesn't make it any lighter - ed). 

So what happened was that carrying this weight around to the front and then having to lift it up to water the pots caused me to do my back ini (aha the famous Collins back - Dr ed).

Result was the next morning I tried to get out of bed and my body screamed at me (well silently, in fact it simply said, "Nope - I cannot do as you command - the muscles canna take it Captain"). This was most disconcerting I needed to relieve myself - and I couldn't move.

Naturally I did manage, with a lot of use of hands (thanks for lending me some extra ones Bridget - ed) to get out of the bed an hobble downstairs so at least we didn't have any unpleasantness upstairs.

Given the inability to walk, well I could but slowly and with a distinct tilt, with numerous F***, F***, F***s with each footstep, as the pain caused me to tense up, making the pain more intense, then trying to relax and breathe through the pain causing me to tilt an trigger another round of expletives I quite sensibly (for once -  rarity ed) decided that I would have to call in sick.

I made my way back to bed and Bridget cooked my up a cocktail of drugs to "take the edge off" the pain. Sadly a day later we discovered that one of the drugs Ibuprofen now has lactose in it, which caused  my hands, that hadn't being  too badly - flared up really badly. Oh, the joy of lactose intolerance.

So there we have it. Large watering cans are bad for your health.

On that note, and with very pleasant smells emanating from the kitchen and it being Friday night (Is it going to be alright, lets wait and see - musical ref ed) I will bid you all an adieu.

Addendum 

No cats were harmed in the production of this blog post.

 Avian Hit Flocks (tm)  -  see the Hitchcock film, "The Birds", for an example of this.

The Muse

Will be coming to a venue near you real soon now. Well, she is nowhere near me, perhaps this post will entice her back in the general direction of Alton and back into my life and this post, only time will tell (18:45 to be precise - telling the time ed).